Learning to Accept Progress Over Perfection

By the time I went to bed last night, I was so exhausted. I had been up for 41 hours. Thankfully, I slept for eight hours.

If I were to use lists to check off as my sole measurement of success, I would be hard-pressed to see much success yesterday.  Of the eight list items, half were checked off as complete:                  

1. Line the trash and recycle containers with plastic bags.
2. Replace the water jug on my dispenser, and take the empty containers to refill.
3. Retrieve the bins from the curb.
4. Clear and clean the counter to the left of my stove.  (Still have a few things to clear.)
5. Clean and disinfect my microwave.
6. Put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher.
7. Dry, fold, and put away the clean towels.
8. Buy a new shower curtain liner to replace the one that is torn.

There were other things that were begun yesterday.  Ah! That is the problem for me!  

BEGUN...

I subject myself to extreme scrutiny when I see a process that I have started.  I even noticed it with my friend, when she says, "Look at how much we got done!" She sees progress. I still see a mess.

In addition to my list, there were more things that we did, but (to me) it feels like it was partly done, so that it doesn't really count.  So, where does this sense of not being able to claim the small accomplishments?

There were moments that I was fully aware of what I was feeling. It was clear to me that this all-or-nothing view came from my upbringing. I also remembered a couple of other situations that happened that might offer a clue into this hoarding situation.  I will dedicate a whole blog post to that one soon.

Communication and awareness

I also recognized and tried to be clear in my communication, when I was getting the most frustrated and annoyed with my friend.  I am thankful that we had discussed upfront what some of that might look like, and I had asked her to be aware and not react to when she recognized my being overwhelmed in those moments. 

I am grateful that the dynamics were such that we could do that honestly.  There was a time when either of the two of us might have stormed away and not spoken for months in those situations. We both simply stayed present and saw it for what it was in the moment.  Now, THAT is progress!!

So, as I try to recall other things that were accomplished, I will also try to own them.  Here are some other things that my friend and I accomplished yesterday:

• Scrubbed the stove, including the drip pans and the burner grates. It was a task that took up a good portion of the three hours we worked.
• Washed and put away the crockpot that I rarely use. I put it in the corner cabinet with the carousel for easy access.
• Potted two plants and watered all that were dehydrated. Some will need to be thrown in the trash, 
• Swept and mopped the kitchen floor. It will require a deep scrub on my hands-and-knees, as it has not been cleaned but once in the last year and a half.  
• Purchased an organizing rack for my hair care things (dryer, curling iron, hairspray, etc._, which hangs on the inside of the cabinet.

Today's plan

As I have two appointments that will take me away this morning, I am not going to make a list. When I go downstairs in a few minutes, I will do my best to make note of how things look better, rather than what is left to be done. (That feels that it will be the most difficult.)

When I return this afternoon, I am committed to finishing the counters and the floor in the kitchen, and to complete the list I made yesterday.

Today I choose to see progress, however slight it may seem. 

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