I Came Out to My Friend

My secret is now out with one person

I disclosed my secret of hoarding behavior to a friend yesterday.  Over the years, she knew there was a problem, and has helped me before...before it got quite as bad as it has now.  This time I admitted the name for it.

I even shared the address for this blog, should she care to read it. It will be the first time she will read/hear some of the stories I will share on this journey.

We talked of the "whys." It is a way that I can keep people "out." She reminded me that I have let her "in" to the space, when it was messy. She told me that she loved me.

We agreed that she would come over to help me for a few hours today.  Perhaps, if I can just get the bathrooms and the kitchen clean today, it will help me see some sort of progress.

Yesterday's accomplishments

Yesterday, I did get all seven things on the list done.  I did it before I left to run errands and see my friend.

I need to see these things as small victories.  Instead, I have a tendency to minimize what I am getting done.  I also need to take some before and after pictures to celebrate the small victories, but it feels so foolish.  It should not be so difficult to get this done, but it is for me.

I did not sleep last night at all, as I have fretted most of the night.  I did get a couple of things done, but those sleepless nights render me rather unproductive.

In spite of it all, I did accomplish a few other small things yesterday and into the wee hours:

• Gave my friend five tops/sweaters and one purse to keep or give away
• Took out one large bag of trash and one bag of recyclables to the bins
• Put the two bins on the curb
• Washed out both the kitchen trash and recycle containers
• Removed the burner grates and pans, and sprayed my stove with cleaner to soak all the hardened food, which I need to clean today
• Loaded up dishwasher with a first batch of dishes and started the wash cycle
• Scoured my left sink
• Washed a load of towels
• Cleaned the carousel trays and reorganized the small cabinet above the stove
• Washed the roaster pan 

There is so much more to do, that all these things do not look like they have made any dent, at all. But I still have a few days off before I must return to work.

Today's plan...

The things I will put on my list today (in baby steps) to accomplish:

1. Line the trash and recycle containers with plastic bags.
2. Replace the water jug on my dispenser, and take the empty containers to refill.
3. Retrieve the bins from the curb.
4. Clear and clean the counter to the left of my stove.
5. Clean and disinfect my microwave.
6. Put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher.
7. Dry, fold, and put away the clean towels.
8. Buy a new shower curtain liner to replace the one that is torn.

When my friend gets here, I am sure we will add more things to the list.  I will try to remember to take pictures before it looks better, so I have comparisons.

Panicking a little

Of course, I am beginning to get quite anxious already, and it's not even 7 o'clock.  I'm sure that it doesn't help any that I have had virtually no sleep in the last 22 hours.

I have to remember to be kind to myself, and accept my friend's help and acceptance of me and this situation as it is right now.  Living in the moment is not easy for me all the time.  I have to let go of the "what ifs."

Copyright ©2015 The Anonymous Hoarder

Photo credit:  Pixabay, free for use.